Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
