he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
