Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Randomize
