I think I won the penis lottery.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
