im drinking this country out of the recession.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
