WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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