Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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