saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
