you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
