your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize