A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
