Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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