The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
