im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
