I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I think my nap took me to another dimension
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
