That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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