I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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