The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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