I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
