yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
