So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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