SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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