He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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