Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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