that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
