she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
