so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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