i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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