we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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