I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
