Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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