I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
