she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
