no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
