if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
