Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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