Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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