I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
