I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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