Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
