I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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