what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize