Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize