I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
