I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
