I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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