literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
