u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
