Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
