Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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