I want you more than these girls want KFC
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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