I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
