Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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