I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
