do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
