Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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