well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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