So drunk, too bad you don't want this
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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