I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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