Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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