They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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