it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize