my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
