the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
