btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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