Moan for me like Helen Keller
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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