Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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