I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
