I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
