everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
