Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Even my vagina gasped.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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