"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
